Un-Parenting Paradigms™

Parenting allows you the opportunity to grow in ways that will astound you!
If you are in a place of self-love and acceptance, the following will flow easily:

We're all born with a unique way of being. When you allow your children to express who they are without negative consequence, you can truly feel unconditionally enamored with them. Learn to guide them while nurturing their authentic nature. Follow the lead and begin accepting yourself unconditionally as well.

"Don´t ask what the world needs. Rather ask – what makes you come alive? Then go and do it! Because what the world needs is people
who have come alive"
— Howard Thurman

Listen with your sixth sense. When you put your full attention on what your child says, no matter how trivial you might think it is, you will learn how your child views the world. Abandon assumptions and listen cleanly.

“When I became quiet, they could hear themselves”- Byron Katie

When you listen (see above) you can tune in to what your child is feeling. It’s then easy to acknowledge how they feel, even if you would not feel the same way in the situation. It’s a respectful way of relating.

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen." - Ernest Miller Hemingway

Kids know lip service. It's often those things that you might hold back on that cause a breakdown of communication. Even if what you’re communicating is “I can’t talk about that right now”, be as real as you know how. Human's can spot inauthenticity quickly.

“The trick is to be responsible for how you are heard.”- Thomas Leonard

Where is it written that a debate has to end in consensus? ;-) Your children are entitled to their opinions. This is by no means implying that they always get their way. Nor do you.

"I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them”-
Herbert Henry Lehman
“Love is saying 'I feel differently' instead of 'You're wrong.'”-Author Unknown

When done skillfully early on in the relationship, this increases self control (of both parent and child) by leaps and bounds. Proficient setting of boundaries will render boundary setting unecessary as time goes on, because the relationship will be built on respect and understanding. This will help your kids make wise decisions as they grow and gradually break away from needing you.

“Learning to have healthy boundaries is an exciting adventure, an exercise in personal liberation.”- Donna Bellafiore

Know that kids say all KINDS of things for all KINDS of reasons. Learn to hear between the lines and you'll become one of their most trusted confidantes.

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”-
Galileo Galilei

This is real life, after all. Enjoy it!

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.”
Dame Edna Everage

One of the best things a parent can do for the family. When your needs are a priority and met successfully you will be happy, effective and at peace. Your "needs" will disappear and you can focus on living.

“We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”-Bill Watterson

Spend time just observing your kids. Figure out where your kids are coming from. Go there with them. Avoid being shocked. Get to know the things your kids know. It will broaden your perspective.

“What someone is, begins to be revealed when his talent abates, when he stops showing us what he can do.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche

This breeds security and trust. They have a right to know what to expect in their lives. It's often those things that you might hold back on that cause the greatest confusion.

“People can stand what is true,
for they are already enduring it.”
Eugene Gendlin

Yeah, we've heard it before "It's not your job to be your child's friend". I say, you'd darn well BETTER be their friend. If not you, who? Scary thought. A better concept might be "It's not your job to be your child's peer". Huge distinction there.

“You will always be your child's favorite toy”. ~Vicki Lansky

Giving a kid too much to deal with when they are not ready, or not enough when they are, could hinder their true nature. When you learn what is developmentally reasonable at any given age, it's easy to help your child understand their own power.

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.
Brian Tracy

Too often, we are quick to point out what we perceive as weaknesses. By celebrating and building on natural strengths, we help our kids identify their importance. While you're at it, honor your strengths, too.

"Build upon strengths, and weaknesses will gradually take care of themselves." -Joyce C. Lock

The implications of a parenting job well done are mind-boggling. When you can visualize the big picture, it is a very joyous experience, indeed.

“If you want to build a boat, do not instruct the men to saw wood, stitch the sails, prepare the tools and organize the work, but make them long for setting sail and travel to distant lands.”
— Antoine De Saint-Exupéry